Found Treasure: Carmel Valley Hobo Abalone Steak

February 2, 2024 – Some Found Treasures have a little bit of all the things. 

In this case, that includes good fish news from Washington D.C., intergenerational Carmel Valley history, a faux shellfish recipe clipped from a newspaper—for when there truly is no local seafood left—and, oh, Osama Bin Laden. 

Let’s start at the capitol. 

Rep. Jimmy Panetta, Congressman for the Monterey Bay area and beyond (aka District 19), just announced the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has approved $20.6 million in relief funds for California’s fishing community. 

Good news, absolutely, for West Coast fishers rocked by (inhale) a canceled salmon season, delayed crab season, various ground fish closures and other sticks in the spokes.

But not great news, Panetta adds, as the number falls well short of the $45 million requested by the Golden State. 

“The closure of Chinook salmon fisheries has far-reaching impacts on commercial, recreational, and charter fishers, tribes, businesses, restaurants, and families in California’s 19th Congressional District and throughout our state,” Panetta says. “Federal disaster assistance is welcome as we begin alleviating the economic strain that this closure has had on our coastal economy.  

“However, there is much more to do as my colleagues and I continue to apply pressure where needed in order to deliver any additional federal aid to our fisheries and surrounding communities.”

Fishermen will now scramble to apply for funds that have a way of never arriving soon enough or in sufficient quantities.

“While I am glad we were finally able to get some relief into the hands of folks who have been hit hardest by last year’s salmon fishery closure, it is grossly inadequate for addressing the severity of this disaster,” says Jared Huffman (D-San Rafael), who co-authored the bill with Panetta and Senator Alex Padilla (D-CA). “We got this relief out the door faster than what’s standard in the federal government—but I know that’s not nearly quick enough for the needs of fishermen who depend on this money for their equipment, their operations, and their lives.”

Additional less-than-ideal news: One Monterey fisherman—who tracks the ebb and flow of regulation and government support on a granular level and spoke on background—predicts none of that will go to fishers. Instead he sees it going to hatcheries, environmental groups and state agencies. 

Contemplating both shared history with Panetta and a future without seafood led me to leap into the time machine for a multi-stop tour.

Stop 1: March 2012, Pebble Beach

The sizable main ballroom at Spanish Bay for the 20th annual Ted Balestreri National Restaurant Association Educational Foundation dinner is full. 

Assembled local dignitaries graze on butter-poached lobster, filet mignon and jumbo prawns.

Rep. Panetta’s father Leon—former chief of staff for President Bill Clinton and director of the CIA—takes to the mic as featured speaker. 

First Balestreri introduces his old friend.

“What can I tell you about a guy who can’t keep a job?” jokes Balestreri, co-creator of The Sardine Factory. “I’ve seen him trying to drive a walnut tractor [at his Carmel Valley ranch], then he’s back to be chief of staff, then back at walnut farm, then running the CIA. Cloak and dagger…I told him, ‘More like knife and fork.'”

I remember two things the senior Panetta said that night to this day: 1) Bin Laden’s assassination won him a bottle of wine from Balestreri, and 2) Nothing beats a restaurant education.

On the first front he told the audience: “You know, Ted bleeds when he has to give something up. He happened to be bragging about his wines, saying I’ll open up this [$10,000 bottle of 1870 Chateau Lafite-Rosthchild] ‘when Panetta gets [Osama] bin Laden.

“‘I said, ‘You’re on, Ted.’ He didn’t think anything about it, and I have to be truthful: At that moment I had some information. Later I told my [assistant] to call Ted and tell him he owes me a bottle…and he said, ‘Son of a bitch set me up.'”

As far as restaurant lessons, he described how his work ethic was formed in the family’s Monterey restaurant. Maybe his instinct for people too. The quote I have in my notes goes, “I washed dishes. My parents believed child labor is required.”

To this day I’m amazed those ol’ Italians had the meatballs to flex publicly with international terrorists on the loose and the most influential lawmaker in the region’s history learned all he ever needed to know in restaurants. 

PS that education is open to anyone (and now more than ever).

Stop 2: March 1987, Carmel Valley

Not far past Panetta Road along Carmel Valley Road, past Garland Ranch but before Carmel Valley Village, a non-lawmaker family tradition was at work. 

Papa and Mama Anderson, perhaps both in jean cutoffs—his with pockets protruding past the frayed edge, hers rolled—are hard at work on phoney abalone.

What a young taste bud thought was a blue collar luxury might be a 22nd century necessity, because this abalone demands zero seafood beyond the clams that go into the juice. 

Perhaps I’m naive, but I was surprised recipes appear online for Phoney Abalone. 

But there are none for Hobo Abalone Steak like there are in my mama’s recipe file, where it remains to this day. 

I’ll tweak it here to reflect her own take (namely, saltines instead of bread crumbs).

May you share it democratically, even if the relief funds find no such fate.

Carmel Valley Hobo Abalone Steak

Soak chicken pieces in clam juice and garlic mixture overnight, covered. Drain chicken pieces. Mix crushed Saltines and salt, pepper and parsley. Roll chicken in flour, dip into whipped eggs and roll in spiced crumbs. Fry in hot oil for 2-3 minutes a side, until golden. “If you don’t tell anyone, no one knows it’s chicken,” the vintage recipe reads. “It tastes just like abalone.”